I presented my profile for a situation that sounded good for me, and I was chosen! Did you hear me? I said, “I WAS CHOSEN!!!!” She chose ME!! Wow, that moment of being chosen…I don’t care who you are (because likely you’ve been through a lot to get to this point), that moment of being told you were chosen feels damn good!
And yet the reality of being chosen to parent another woman’s baby is scary, overwhelming and exciting. It’s a huge responsibility.
A humbling experience.
- A woman chooses (in some cases) to place a baby for adoption
- Another woman, man or couple was chosen to parent
- A child was chosen by the adoptive parent(s)/by God
In grade school, I was often one of the people chosen last on a team. That never feels good. But when it really counted, when I wanted to get chosen the most in my life, I was chosen.
BUT, before I was chosen, many other choices were made – very painful choices, and in some cases, not a “choice” at all. That reality is humbling and sprinkled with sadness.
Most of us could never imagine the idea of terminating our parental rights and surrendering a baby to someone else. This idea is no easier for a birth mother, in most cases, and yet she finds herself in a position of needing to do so.
Then there’s the “chosen child.” Chosen at times directly by the adoptive parent, or some might say, “chosen by God,” if that’s what you believe. This may be part of the child’s story, told by his/her adoptive parent…that they were “chosen.”
However, while I was researching this subject, I learned that many adoptees are not so fond of this term, as they don’t think they were “chosen” at all, but rather fell into their parent(s) lap. And that their parent(s) may have only chosen adoption after not being able to conceive on their own. So, were they “chosen?”
And did the child “choose” adoption? No! The term “chosen” can be degrading to an adoptee, and may be conceived as being “unchosen” first.
So, while being “chosen” was one of the happiest days of my life (aside from the birth of my son), it came with a certain heaviness that I will carry around with me and share with my son. I will always have the utmost respect for my son’s birthmother and choose the words of his story carefully and with awareness. Hopefully, we all have this perspective because that’s adoption!
Until next time,