I know what you might be thinking…will I feel like my child is really mine? Is there ANY chance that one day my child might be taken from me? These are questions I’ve been asked and, if I’m going to be totally honest, even wondered myself at one time.
I grew my family through adoption. I love my son — sometimes, I think, more than if I had given birth to him myself. I pinch myself every single day (even after five years) that this child, who looks nothing like me, and is so beautiful, is MY child. Sometimes it does feel like an out of body experience. I stare at him and it doesn’t seem possible, but I remind myself it is. Partially because I remember so clearly how long I was single and praying to be a mom. And mostly because I just feel so blessed to have experienced the gift of adoption. The cool thing is, more and more, as my child grows, I see me in him.
My son is a product of ME (the good, the bad and the ugly), combined with his birthparents.
Keeps me guessing a lot, but that’s ok.
Did I ever fear that one day it could all be taken from me? I would be lying if I said I didn’t. And my family certainly did. In fact, even though I knew it couldn’t legally happen, there was still this little nagging doubt. That is, until recently, when my son’s birthmother and I had one of our best conversations. She assured me in that conversation, coming straight out and saying, “I’m glad you are his mom and I don’t want you to ever fear that I would want to take him from you.”
Sigh of relief – all doubt gone!
I’m so blessed to have my son’s birthmom in our lives!
It’s important, when you are presented with any situation, to ask the right questions, not only to make sure it feels like the right match for you, but also to help alleviate your fears. Cuz we all have fears. Not every situation will be the right one for you. And if you are afraid to take a pass because you fear another, “better” situation may never be presented, well, just push that one aside. It will! (Unless of course you are looking for the “perfect” situation – because there’s no such thing.)
You have to be honest with yourself, but also realistic.
And sometimes, you just have to be very very patient!
And consider that the blessing of an open situation, although it may sound super scary at first, may actually help alleviate your fears in the long run. But either way, these fears dissipate over time.
What are/were some of your biggest fears surrounding adoption?