By Michelle Morgan
There have been few times in my life when I really knew what God wanted me to do. Sometimes I’ve been pretty sure of his direction for my life, but on May 27, 2005 it was like God called me on the phone and said this is the path I’ve chosen for you. And, WOW, what a wonderful path it was!
The four years leading up to this phone call were filled with many prayers, many losses, many doctors, much pain, many tears and no certain diagnosis. We were told that our last option was IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and even if that worked the odds of sustaining a pregnancy were slim to none given our history and uncertain diagnosis. The emotions became too much to bear at that time and my husband and I decided we needed a break.
During that break, the signs began to appear on billboards, television commercials, newspaper articles, website banners and magazine ads. All displayed beautiful babies, stating that “adoption could be right for you.” These signs were everywhere I went, only I wasn’t convinced it WAS right for us. I was convinced that if God really wanted us to adopt that he would have presented a diagnosis that showed us that was the way. I prayed for a clear indication of the direction we should take. As the months went on, the signs began to appear more frequently and a little part of me began to wonder…what if this IS our calling, what if WE could be that family in the adoption article, what if there will NEVER be a diagnosis, what if there IS a sweet baby that has no one to adopt them?
The wondering grew stronger and we went to an information meeting with an agency whose focus was on expectant mothers and babies in need. They were upfront and said that their job was to find families & support for babies, not to find babies for families. That stung a little because what I was interested in at the time was someone to give us a baby. It wasn’t about anyone else; it was about what I wanted.
I was still young & had no idea at the time that living a life centered around everything I wanted was not the life I should have been striving for. We decided to proceed with a home study in the domestic adoption program with that agency. In August of 2004 we were approved as a prospective adoptive family and began waiting in hopes that an expectant family might choose us to adopt their baby.
At first the months flew by as I painted & shopped for the nursery. I just knew it would happen any day and I wanted everything to be ready and to be perfect. But when everything was ready, the days started to creep by. As the days slowly passed, the fear began to creep in…what if this isn’t our calling, what if no one ever chooses us, what if no one thinks we will be good parents, what if we were supposed to do the IVF?
The cost to adopt an infant domestically at this time was approximately the same as the cost of IVF. We had paid for our home study and the remaining funds would be due at the time an infant was placed with us. We did not have all the money necessary to complete the adoption or IVF at the time. So we decided we would wait to make any further decisions until we had the remaining amount needed.
Several months later we had saved all the necessary funds to either complete an adoption or have one round of IVF. We had been waiting in the adoption program for 7 months with no promising leads and patience was wearing thin. Despite our prayers that God would show us what direction we should go we received no clear answer. We decided to go ahead with the IVF.
It took 2 months of various doctor visits, hormones, shots & blood work to prepare for the IVF. We were told that everything was ready. They would continue to monitor my blood work every other day for 7 days and the nurse would call me on Friday to let me know when to come in for the egg retrieval procedure.
Friday, May 27, 2005 was a big day for me at work. I was in charge of an event to be held that evening in our park downtown so I was busy all day. I had my cell phone in my pocket though because I didn’t want to miss the nurse calling me.
Sometime in the afternoon, my phone rang. I hurriedly got the phone out of my pocket expecting to see the doctor’s number on the screen. My heart sank as I saw it was our social worker instead. I figured she was calling to sign us up for another training or to tell us we needed to have another home visit or fill out more paperwork. I was wrong – it was like God was calling, saying this is the path I have chosen for you. My heart began to race as she said that a baby girl had been born the night before in a nearby town and the family liked our profile and wanted to meet us that evening!
My co-worker was the only person I told about this wonderful possibility as I left that day. She graciously handled everything for the event I was in charge of so that I could go talk with my husband and we could make some decisions. When I got home he and I decided we wanted to meet with the family to see if this might be a good fit for everyone involved. After meeting with two social workers to discuss the situation and the risks involved, we met with the baby’s mother and some of her family. We all seemed to get along well and we learned that the baby’s mother did want to proceed with placing her for adoption and wanted us to be her parents! We were told that she would be discharged from the hospital the next morning and we could pick her up then. During all the commotion that evening, the nurse left me a message telling me that I was to have the egg retrieval for IVF two days later. I called her back and told her that we were canceling the IVF because we now knew that God’s path for us was adoption and a little girl would be placed with us the next day.
After our daughter came into our lives it didn’t take me long to realize that all the things I thought I wanted in life no longer mattered. I grew up a lot in those first few months and began to see that despite the selfish reasons I began to pursue adoption that God had a plan to change me for the better. He showed me that my life should not be centered around what I think I want and need, but around others and what I can do for them. Since our daughter’s placement with us, I no longer see a stranger’s face when I see adoption ads. I see her face and her birth mother’s face. I see love. I feel love. I hear God saying – this is the path I have chosen for you.
The path God chose for us led us to adopt another infant domestically in February of 2007. Just one short month after our home study was approved our social worker called. It was February 12th and once again, it was like God saying – this is the path I have chosen for you. She told us of a baby boy who had been born two days before – February 10, my birthday!!! We knew that only God could have orchestrated such a wonderful birthday gift and we knew this was his plan for us. We met our son and brought him home the very next day. Once again, after our son’s placement with us, when I see adoption ads, I see his face and his birth mother. I see love. I feel love. I hear God saying – this is the path I have chosen for you.
Our family still has more love to give and we are now waiting a third time to adopt. We feel adoption is our calling and can’t wait to open our hearts to another child.